Choose Your Adventure!


The Neurotic Monkey's Guide to Survival is dedicated to providing innovative ideas that will alter reality as we know it and could very well SAVE YOUR LIFE. Plus videos of people getting hit in the junk.



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    Mass Distraction

    Monkey See...


    Deep Red

    Monkey See (on TV)...

    Childrens Hospital - On Adult Swim


    Goonies the Musical!


    Sloth's Song

    Goonies the Musical!


    Takin' It Back

    Goonies the Musical!


    Piano Lessons

    Goonies the Musical!




    Entries in WTF (12)

    Fett and Maul in the Same Video!

    This is it! This is my thesis, man!

    Two icons together at la---


    ...That's not a good look, fellas.

    7 Best Blooper Reelz of the 7 Past Years

    ...the "Z" means it's fun!

     Some occasional NSFW language and a few minor spoilers.

    7) Dinner for Schmucks

    6) Get Him to the Greek

    Embed...Denied! LAME. Go here to check it out.

    5) Invention of Lying

    Click to read more ...

    Looks Like Someone Brought Their "A" Game

    Not Tampa, though. No, they went with a Teddy Roosevelt impersonator who spouts well-known sayings like a talking plush doll. All in a bid to get the 2012 Republican National Convention.

    Thanks, Video. I am now embarrassed for Tampa when I'm used to feeling blind indifference and casual hatred towards Tampa. I don't like change!

    (Via Politico)

    Thanks to Keith for the tip!

    Sometimes...There Are No Words


    This is one of those times.

    (Via The Daily What)

    Let's All Go to the WHAT THE FU--

    MK12 | Follow the Sun | 2011 from MK12 on Vimeo.

    MK12 made this slice of nightmare fuel - enjoy!

    (Via The Daily What)

    Verbiage - June 10, 2011

    Today's word of the day is Inscrutable:

    Via Reddit


    1. incapable of being investigated, analyzed, or scrutinized; impenetrable.
    2. not easily understood; mysterious; unfathomable: an inscrutable smile.
    3. incapable of being seen through physically; physically impenetrable: the inscrutable depths of the ocean.

    Zelda Convention - June 7, 2011

    In this analogy, Gollum is played by Anthony Weiner...

    Click to read more ...

    Inconceivable! Popular Acronyms and Their Alternate Meanings

    So, my black footed ferret said “Barbados,” cause she had to go give her boyfriend some Bon Jovi love. Land O’Lakes! Iron Maiden Officials, I wish that side order of bacon is more of a Free-Will Baptist. Welcome to Finland.

    Find out what you could be saying when you abbreviate. All of these are listed as legitimate alternatives to our much-beloved slang. I do not think that means what you think that means …


    BRB: Be Right Back

    Brazilian Rainbow Boa

    Blue Ridge Boogie                 



    BFF: Best Friend Forever

    Biblical Foundations for Freedom

    Black Footed Ferret

    Bovine Follicular Fluid

    Click to read more ...

    Random - What the Hell, Google Autocomplete?

    I was typing in "where can I" when I noticed what most people are looking for...

    ...apparently some badass kung-fu Justice delivered with a smile and a mustache.

    Verbiage - April 15, 2010

    Today's phrase of the day is "magnum opus."

    Via theBerry

    Magnum Opus

    a great work, esp. the chief work of a writer or artist: Proust's magnum opus is Remembrance of Things Past.

    Verbiage - April 14, 2010

    Today's word of the day is "incongruous."

    Via Uphaa


    1. out of keeping or place; inappropriate; unbecoming: an incongruous effect; incongruous behavior.
    2. not harmonious in character; inconsonant; lacking harmony of parts: an incongruous mixture of architectural styles.
    3. inconsistent: actions that were incongruous with their professed principles.

    Verbiage - April 9, 2010

    Today's word of the day is "blunder."

    Via Picture is Unrelated



    1. a gross, stupid, or careless mistake: That's your second blunder this morning.

    (verb without object)

    1. to move or act blindly, stupidly, or without direction or steady guidance: Without my glasses I blundered into the wrong room.
    2. to make a gross or stupid mistake, esp. through carelessness or mental confusion: Just pray that he doesn't blunder again and get the names wrong.

    (verb with object)

    1. to bungle; botch: Several of the accounts were blundered by that new assistant.
    2. to utter thoughtlessly; blurt out: He blundered his surprise at their winning the award.