Choose Your Adventure!


The Neurotic Monkey's Guide to Survival is dedicated to providing innovative ideas that will alter reality as we know it and could very well SAVE YOUR LIFE. Plus videos of people getting hit in the junk.



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    Mass Distraction

    Monkey See...


    Deep Red

    Monkey See (on TV)...

    Childrens Hospital - On Adult Swim


    Goonies the Musical!


    Sloth's Song

    Goonies the Musical!


    Takin' It Back

    Goonies the Musical!


    Piano Lessons

    Goonies the Musical!




    Hard to Represent Queens with a Boner!

    (PS if you like The Whitest Kids u'Know, you'll love next week. And if you don't - well then, suck it, commie)

    Zelda Convention - August 15, 2011

    Get out of my head, Dead Man!

    Linkage ahead...

    Click to read more ...

    Quotent Quotables - August 15, 2011

    Uncompromising thought is the luxury of the closeted recluse.

    - Woodrow Wilson

    Criss Cross!

    Dwight's Perfect Crime:

    (Via Reddit)

    Mark Wahlberg vs. Paul Walker

    Fisticuffs is when you tell me who would win in a knockdown, dragout, physical fight to the death between two people or groups. 

    The Battle of the Blands!

    These two muscle bound, action oriented "actors" are both leading men - leading me into a COMA! HIYO! (Bruce Vilanch won't always be with us, people, an heir to the schtick throne must be chosen)

    Click to read more ...

    InfoGraphic Violence

    Every kill in a Friday the 13th movie in one handy infographic!

    Via Badass Digest

    (Via Badass Digest)

    Week of August 15, 2011

    Every week, we list our recommendations of new music, books, comics, movies and TV to check out. This is Recs in Effect:

    New Disc

    The Killing

    No, not the shitty shitty shitty AMC show. (Sidenote: I'm not a fan of that TV show) This is a Criterion Collection release of the pretty great Stanley Kubrick movie. A disjointed, alinear tale of a heist, violence and the desperate people these things tend to attract, The Killing has been hugely influential to many filmmakers. Reservoir Dogs, Heat, The Town, Taking of Pelham 123, Pulp Fiction and The Dark Knight all draw pretty heavily from what Kubrick has done here. It's one of the late master's lesser known works, but it's pretty great. The whole "colors as names", lack of chronology, eerie mask thing that's been cool in the films of Tarantino, Soderbergh and all sorts of heist movies? Yeah, they started here in 1956. I also like that Kubrick so loved Sterling Hayden in his role as the tough guy Johnny Gray that he brought Hayden back as Brigadier General Jack "Precious Bodily Fluids" Ripper in Dr. Strangelove. Plus Criterion will certainly be bringin it with this disc so it looks better than ever before.

    Click to read more ...


    Verbiage - August 15, 2011

    Today's word of the day is "Pernicious:"


    1. causing insidious harm or ruin; ruinous; injurious; hurtful: pernicious teachings; a pernicious lie.
    2. deadly; fatal: a pernicious disease.
    3. Obsolete . evil; wicked.

    So What'cha Want? Toys?

    Beastie Boys are now selling these on their site:

    Yes toy figures with all sorts of cool aspects. The price?


    To be fair - the proceeds are being split by Pablove Foundation and Alex's Lemonade Stand - two very good causes to help in the fight against pediatric cancer. Plus you get all sorts of cool stuff. I've worked with the latter before, and they definitely do a lot of great work and are very worthy of any support.

    But still...seems like a lot of dough to ask for.

    Although, now that I think about it, the people that grew up with Beastie Boys (like 16-18) are almost 50. Jesus. So I guess Old Man Beastie Fan can afford it.

    Anyways, check them out here.

    I Am McLovin's Smirking Revenge

    Mark it 15, Dude.

    August 15th, to be exact. We'll be back, bitches. 

    Maybe with some new stuff. Mostly with the same old shit.

    Suck on that!

    So check back here on Monday, August 15th and we'll have a whole week of new stuff.

    Ya heard!


    Gone Thinkin'

    Hey all -

    Sorry for erratic schedule. I'm slammed at my real job plus I've been having a terrible case of migraines for the past 4 days and, on top of that, got a heapin' helpin' of depression. Woot. Anyways, the site is going on hiatus for a bit. I'll try to figure out the best way of doing updates, the best features to continue with, etc. And since the poll only produced 3 responses - it doesn't seem like anyone actually even reads this.

    So for the three of you that care: I'll be back, probably in about a week or two. If you're interested in regularly contributing to the site, email me.

    Til then...