Choose Your Adventure!


The Neurotic Monkey's Guide to Survival is dedicated to providing innovative ideas that will alter reality as we know it and could very well SAVE YOUR LIFE. Plus videos of people getting hit in the junk.



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    Mass Distraction

    Monkey See...


    Deep Red

    Monkey See (on TV)...

    Childrens Hospital - On Adult Swim


    Goonies the Musical!


    Sloth's Song

    Goonies the Musical!


    Takin' It Back

    Goonies the Musical!


    Piano Lessons

    Goonies the Musical!




    Dilbert Said There'd Be Days Like This

    My mind flashes to that last exchange preeeeeeetty much every day at the office when people are wondering how something is going.

    "You mean that thing you just mentioned just now?"


    "Oh we're on top of that!"'s like working with the guy from Memento.

    Verbiage - August 17, 2011

    Today's word of the day is "Efficacious:"


    capable of having the desired result or effect; effective as a means, measure, remedy, etc.: The medicine is efficacious in stopping a cough.

    Sometimes...There Are No Words


    This is one of those times.

    (Via The Daily What)

    Panthro's Getting Too Old For this Shit

    This is 100% real. Whilst recording the voices of Thundercats, actors showed their frustration by using that age old method of letting off steam. No, not killing "Snarf." But cursing:

    Zelda Convention - August 16, 2011



    Linkage Awaits....

    Click to read more ...

    Quotent Quotables - August 16, 2011

    The more we progress the more we tend to progress. We advance not in arithmetical but in geometrical progression. We draw compound interest on the whole capital of knowledge and virtue which has been accumulated since the dawning of time.

    - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

    Rest Now, Come Dawn We Make For Ronnie James Dio!

    Map of Metal

    Finally! Someone using the internet to create an intricate graphic representation of a subculture! But it is a cool interactive display of musical information with some great examples of each genre.

    (Via Badass Digest)

    Because Kids Suck Too.

    Please to enjoy the red band (as in NSFW language) trailer for David Gordon Green's The Sitter with Jonah Hill - who's fat in the movie but creepy skinny in the intro. Honestly, it's pretty funny and I'm not that big a fan of Mr. Hill.

    Yes, it's just Adventures in Babysitting with more profanity and a protagonist with bigger boobs. But maybe that won't be such a bad thing. Plus JB Smoove is in it and partnered with Sam Rockwell, so that's already better than a half-assed Vincent D'Onofrio as Thor appearance.

    Lost Continents, New Dimensions and Hawking Done Fucked Up.

    SCIENCE! is a weekly dose of edumakashunal stuff from the world of science! Cuz you need to learn yourself a thing or two.
    • Mind=Blown (to the 10th power!): An excellent graphic representation of all of the dimensions, from first to 10th. Really crazy stuff, but this video makes it very easy to understand (in theory/concept).

    • Huzzah! Indiana Jones 5 Has Found Its Next Plot Point!: Lost Continent off the coast of Scotland sank 55 million years ago. How will this not show up in every JJ Abrams tv show or any time travel story? Something about raising this land, then aliens, then...I dunno...Jesus or something.
    • Even Though He's Technically a Cyborg, You Don't Have to Fear Him!: There's this photo of Obama and Stephen Hawking:

      Via Reddit. Apparently Hawking was getting a medal. That's not...that's not what it looks like. Also - why not give him the medal in a frame? You know, like Daniel-san did for Mr. Miyagi's Medal of Honor. Remember that? From The Karate Kid? No? I hate this place!

    "Take it away, Evil Ed!"

    Jon and Al Kaplan - the mad men behind Silence!, the Silence of the Lambs musical - created this brilliant video of their great song "Amy, Awake!" for a Fright Night musical


    for more from these geniuses, who really deserve a lot more acknowledgement, please go to their site:


    Clue (1985)

    Double Dip Demands is a column in which I propose films that deserve a re-release on DVD/Blu-Ray with more special features, better transfers and other nerdy bits. Some of the films have no DVDs out there for Region 1 viewers, and some of them have a really crappy version that's bare bones or poorly put together. Who speaks for these films? I do.

    The Film: Clue (1985)

    Cast & Crew: Jonathan Lynn (dir. and co-writer); John Landis (co-writer); Eileen Brennan, Lesley Ann Warren, Martin Mull, Michale McKean, Tim Curry, Christopher Lloyd, Madeline Kahn, Colleen Camp, Howard Hesseman

    Plot Synopsis (Via IMDB): Clue is a movie about 6 guests, a butler, and a maid, who are all involved in the murders of 6 people. The guests all meet at Hill House, where you learn that Professor Plum works in D.C., where everyone else lives. Colonel Mustard is a client of Miss Scarlet, who is the ex-employer of Yvette, the maid, who had an affair with the husband of Mrs. White, etc. When Mr. Boddy, who is blackmailing each guest, gives the guests each a weapon, he tells them they should kill Wadsworth, the butler, to avoid being exposed. With Mrs. Peacock's craziness, and Mr. Green's clumsiness, the whole group finds themselves tangled in a web of murder, lies, and hilarity.

    Is it Out Currently? Yes on DVD with only the 3 alternative endings as an extra.

    Why Does it Deserve Special Features? Clue is a hilarious comedy that is fondly remembered yet often overlooked. The movie is an ensemble piece and has plenty of work for each actor to do and leave an indelible mark. It also has the luxury of operating on multiple levels - it's not just the manic pace of the physical comedy or slapstick (though there is that), but also word play, innuendo, absurdism, character based schtick, plus a Go-Go as a singing telegram. The tightly wound script is a good example of the comedy that adheres closely to other genres in order to satirize - in this case it's the drawing room murder, or the Agatha Christie type "famous people meet up and someone dies" film. Clue arrived at a time when it was absurd to make a movie base on a board game, and yet the writers rose to the challenge and delivered a movie that is infinitely more fun and entertaining than the board game could ever be. Nowadays, everything is being optioned as a film (including Hasbro's latest rush to turn Battleship and Candyland into movies), for good or ill. A new disc would be a good way of highlighting what was done right in this adaptation and as a fitting tribute to its many fine performers. Also, the current DVD that is out looks like crap and the new version would at least clean up the picture and sound.

    What Should be on the Disc?

    Click to read more ...

    Both Agree: Dementors Suck.

    Verbiage - August 16, 2011

    Today's word of the day is "Sacrilege:"


    1. the violation or profanation of anything sacred or held sacred. 
    2. an instance of this.
    3. the stealing of anything consecrated to the service of God.

    Two Novelty Accounts to Follow on Twitter

    Two fun new novelty accounts on Twitter to follow: Fake Joel Stillerman and T-800. One is an inhuman monster intent on destroying all that we hold dear and the other is the Terminator. (The Vilanch Crown grows ever nearer...)



    (For background on Stillerman, read this)